A little summary of what i am going through!!

Well well sem 4 is just a blast!!! I am going through hell right now... lets start with the assignments, i have a crm group assignment which is nt going anywhere because noone is bothered to step up and discuss the next meeting for the assignment, then there is the IDTP assignment which i have not even read what the question is about and it is due this week, Marketing assignment, individual due 11 March where we have to crap up to 10 pages long on multinational organizations and how they overcome problems...crap.. Social Psychology individual assignment, its not so bad bt i haven come about doing it...haih and finally PR assignment which i am almost done just left the report..argh!!!!! And on top of all that i have to practise dance everyday coz we have two performances coming up, one on the 3rd of march for the Cultural night, some party for the international students and the student counsil comitee and the second one is on 4 march for some spanish night for the hotel school...Hope i get food over there! i better!!! hmph...all the effort...been sooo busy ...and oooo to top that up since i am in Public Relations and i volunteered together with 9 other people to take charge over organizing an event. This group is the only group doing it practical whereas the other PR groups just plan and all through theory... So we are organizing the mascolympics something like a sports day... so start all the job of looking for sponsorship, materials, bla bla anyhow i and sneha are in charge of the fun raising...ooo yay! gosh... so firstly we planned on having a movie screening which we will charge about RM 3 per movie..it will be carried out next week...=S so gosh all the planning and asking for permission...then the second fun raiser would be a car wash....gosh heahache headache... all this in the month of march and and MY MID SEMESTER EXAMINATION ARE COMING UP!!! and i haven started studying...gosh i am sooo clueless abt marketing and CRM...fuck!!! haih.... see what i have to go through?!! im going crazy!! and gosh the friends problem...lord help me le...i can only take this much...sniff sniff... oh good its off my chest..now u can sympathize me..! hehe...life!!! oh well and i haven eaten!! argh!!! where is my friend!!!
tataz!!

Guys Are so Fucked up!!!

Well i am not stereotyping nor am i passing a judgemental comment on all guys. There is still hope for the male gender thanks to a particular few but gosh the rest is either fickel minded, egoistic, jerk asses, full of themselves, brainless dimwit!! ok im being too wordy thats beause im too frustrated!!! Well im 19 this year and i had my share of boyfriends, the hardships of it but im not afraid to admit this i have never been in love...( yea believe it or not). Firstly i had and still have the fear of getting hurt therefore i never really put all my feelings on the line. I hold back...yes i am to be blame too... and secondly weirdly i have not really found a guy i really liked... Their all either really good friends or buddies to me..
Now that i am in college, yes i have met a few guys, there was a point i liked a guy but unfortunately he was taken and heck we din really have much in common. Then i had a few people liking me ( mind you i am not boasting at all) but unfortunately our personalities dun match and i was not attracted to them. Then came this guy who was soo sweet and he well showed much interest but yet again our personalities dun match and to stop costing him further pain i told him its better to remain friends...WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!! why do i not like anyone?! or do i deny it or i expect to much? Then comes P a collegemate whom people would never guess i would fall for him but i did.. I fell for him badly. I admited i like him to my friends and threw my pride away and told him twice!!! He does response, he tells me he likes me too and when we hang out we have a blast and yet in college we act like we barely know each other ( if u get my drift). For him, friends comes first and he is not ready to drop everything for a girl or go all out to spend time with her and all i am asking for from him is just a little bit more attention, and a little bit more of his time. Im not asking much... GOd he kills me...he gives me hope and yet he pulls back....Im in a wave of emotions rite now....He comes to me telling me he has problems and when i wanna help him he pulls away... I have to be the one to call him out.. WHAT THE HELL shouldnt guys be glad when a gal likes him? Why is P's response so complicationg?!! i dun know what he wants... he is playing with my emotions so badly it hurts like hell and this is one guy who came close to me liking him soooo much.... it could even be love but ill never admit to that... Im not asking him to be my bf just gimme a little bit more of his time and attention... Fuck!!

Now to top it up, since im so depressed over P and nt getting wat i want, i found out some guy from hotel school is interested in me and i cant deny that i noticed him around coll too... So ooo good news, new person, someone out of the usual gang and the mass comm group. At least i can widen my group of friends. Anyhow he got my number then we contacted each other, he started calling me baby and darling and sweetheart already... lame i know...but amusing, sweet.. Well the catch, not few days ago only i saw him with a gal, around coll he is always hanging out with her. They are a couple and when he asked me out i asked abt her only to find out they broke up. So i thought to myself hey now there may be a chance,single, sweet...but i know i must be careful with these kinda guys.... true to my words just today as we were on our back from college passing ridzuan gates we saw the whole gang including this guy and his ex gal and lo and behold his hands traveled to her ass and if we were not mistaken there was some squeezing action involved....haha "best friends" rite...then he messaged me and i ignored and then he asked my friend what happen and she told him and here is the funny part... he told me and i quote" hey its just a goodbye hug it did not mean anything..." haha so there was ass squeezing involved and also a huge...what else a goodbye kiss? haha... what kind of guy is this? he can message me saying it does not mean anything, i love u and im being so honest with you....HAHA! if i cant trust u now what more later?!

Thats why guys are so fucked up!!! One cant decide what he wants in life cant appreciate the one who wants him and the other cannot stick to one... GUYS! Am i cursed?!!!

Feeling emo!

* George La Tour's famous Penitent Magdalene. ( I somehow feel like her right now and most of the time)

Its already 12.40am and i am not asleep yet...Im actually the opposite.. Im wide awake and to make it worse im wake awake feeling emo! ish... songs i am currently listening to are. - MYMP Tell me where it hurts, For all of my life, Phil Collins - you'll be in my heart, Lindsay Lohan- Conffesions of a broken heart and the list goes on n on. Whats with my mood today? im feeling so moody and i have no idea why! ooo and i have a sudden passion for paintings...im trying to understand them, There is more then meets the eye and i want to try and understand the painter's point of view.. lol..this is totally non related...well forgive me but my brain and my thoughts right now r very scattered therefore im just writing whatever i feel like.
Oh i spend my weekend at rad's place and it was fun... Just lazing around and watching *cough cough* movies... Oh before i went over to rad's place me, my cousins, rad and nadeem watched the movie Prime! and i have to say i

enjoyed the movie! Well i would elaborate more on it in my other post right now i just have to say gosh i think i will be like the gal in the movie!!! wont say how, dun wanna spoil the movie for those who have not watched. On the same topic i was bored one day and so i read my horoscope and guess what it says??!! I will find love( yay!!) but it WONT last long but there will be memories...what the hell!! its proven im cursed!! even my starscope says so!! anyhow during the movie i sat next to my cousins and nadeem and rad sat right in front of me and throughout the whole movie somehow i can relate and RAfi ( character's name) has some gay friends too and i was teasing rad n nadeem and was hitting their heads and all and after the movie while we were walking out gushing abt how cute the actor was it hit me how much nadeem n rad means to me! I feel so comfortable with them and i feel like i can talk to them abt anything! I thank god so much for allowing me to meet up with these two individuals in the course of my life! thanks guys! you dun know how much u mean to me!

oh hey my mood lifted!! lol...looks like blogging is good for me... distracts me from what saddens me..! lol... I DUN WANNA GO COLLEGE!! haha... oh well i gtg and get my beauty sleep..tataz!!

Tasting My Own Medicine..

I finally realise how my friend feels!!! Im getting it back....I know how it feels to like somebody and to have a great time with that someone and realise that it is a two way thing to realise that the one you like doesnt really make an effort to be with you or turns you down when u want to just hang out or go out just to be with his friends.... I finally know how my friend feels...=s and it hurts...like hell... I am in an emotional turbulence an emotional wave that goes up and down and crashing on rocks....

Being with him makes me smile, makes me happy...cheers my day, makes me want to see him everyday and just chat the day away and be with him. I am myself and i feel accepted, he is there when i am down ( well sometimes) and the small little things he says warms my heart... Well sounds nice doesn't it? Life is not candy coated where all is sweet and well.... I want more! i want him to care, i want him to take the initiative to find ways to be with me and to ask me to go out once in a while and to show that i do mean something to him but unfortunately i am not getting any. The many times I look at our schedule to see where we both have the same breaks so we can have lunch, the many times i asked him to join me for lunch was just turned join just so he can be with his friends and im quite sure he doesn't even know my schedule. The many times i ask him to go out only to be turned down again... Just when im feeling all dejected and depressed he comes into my life again and be the guy i know and come to like but does it last? The very next day, we are strangers when we meet... A simple hello is barely exchanged... Why this? why this split personality?

I have always tried to be there for him. Always trying to cheer him up when he is moody, always trying to reach out to him, hoping he would open up but he would never... He never talks about himself and yet sometimes he can get so down till he sees no purpose in life.. It hurts me so to hear him say these kinds of things but what else can i do when all i get is a wall that is standing between him and me?
Thats what i meant by i know how my friend feels. The amount of times i have dissapointed him by turning him down for outings.... and not noticing the simple, sweet things he does for me, how much he cares.... I have never really acknowledge the things he does for me nor the signs but in my defence i do not want to hurt him but it turns out i was hurting him more and i do know how he feels now, going through it myself..being in his shoes for once... The amount of dissapointments...all that i try to do to make him realise only goes to blind eyes... I am being put through this emotional torture and for what i do not know. I do not know why i put up with it and torture myself everyday... he effects me so much till it actually effects my mood for the day... If he was nice to me n we had a great time i would be in a great mood all smilling but he ignores me, or worse walks off on me i would be so depressed till the verge of tears..
Trying to forget him is not simple but i am trying... I am trying to not put so much of my feelings on the line for it most probably would be hurt. Life would be much easier if he remains a good friend..Im so confused, hurt, depressed.. yet everything happens for a reason and i am beginning to strongly believe in it..

HaPpy Chinese New YEar n an unexpected experience

At last, the long awaited Chinese New Year arrived... On Friday after college, I went to Subang Parade with Sneha, Amresh and Leon to shop. I had to do some last minute shopping. Just HAD to get a pair or at least a new top for CNY. Was walking around, then Sneha and Amresh went to withdraw and stuff and I accompanied Leon to Bumiputra Commerce so he can open a new acc. Waited in the car while he settle his stuff... Then went back and met up with them to go to BLOOK, a boutique that has really nice outfits. Well found a few tops i really really love... I loved the colours too and decided to get two tops though it just burned a hole in my pocket... Then Leon send me to the KTM station where i met up with my cousin and went to my aunt's house. Rested for a while then started our journey back to ipoh at like 4am! To avoid the mad rush but it was also crowded already...

Finally got home, barely able to say hi to my dog and mom, rushed up blindly to my room and crashed till early afternoon. Then woke up, repack and then continued e journey to Taiping. Gosh its a hectic day! Reached Taiping after 2 hours compared to the usual 45mins, ish unload the "truck" lol the amount of things we brought back to Taiping!! The car boot was so packed! Relaxed, chilled, then had to start getting ready for THE dinner... I helped curled my sister's hair, decided not to do mine then changed.... DINNERTIME!!!

Gosh all I can think of was FOOD!! was so excited for CNY for the FOOD!! My aunt's cooking!! ( da best). Truthfully speaking food during dinnertime was dissapointing. Was not nice! It was at some restaurant. Then went back to grandfather's place, hang around, chit chat and then went back to my grands on my mom's side. More eating...cookies! ( yes i know its late night, bad for health, bla bla...ITS CNY!!). Then slept.. Next day, church! draged myself off bed showered and changed and went to church! After mass we got blessed mandarin oranges!! lol and watch e lion dance performance for a while then went home for photo session... * click click* then FOOD!!! lol this time aunt's cooking!!! yum!!! "chai choy" ( i dunno how to spell it le) some vege dish!! LOVE IT!!! eat eat and more eating!!!

Then the youngsters all hanged out, playing cards, talking, EATING, drinking...lol DAMN WEATHER though!! ish!! soooo freaking hot!!!Well the continuing days are like this let me summarise it for you, Wake up, EAT, watch tv, EAT, talk,EAT, walk dog, EAT haha lunch= EAT, afternoon nap...tooo hot.. dinner= EAT! haha all i can remember doing the whole time is eating!! gosh help me! my college mates wont be able to recognise me le! Gosh the food!! speaking of it makes me hungry now!...dangit!!

Well the unexpected event...well lately le about a year already i felt a lump near my right ear.... It does not hurt but recently it got bigger and at some angle its noticeble...My parents were getting worried therefore we went to see our family doc...He said its most prob some infected lymph node...but he advised us to go consult an ENT doc....So today we went to consult an ENT doc, my uncle's friend.. The doc was really friendly and nice explaining everything...She said it was most prob just infected and nothing to worry abt but to be sure she suggested I take a blood test and some nasal tube test thingy...hehe forgot the medical term... I was kinda nervous!! HAte needles!!! phobia!! ish!! Took the test it was fine...but...the nasal thingy!!! OUCH!!! I lied down on e bed, the doc sprayed something into my nose, it was so bitter and it made my nose numb....then.... gosh she took this long metal tube!! inserted it into my nose and was pushing and asking if it hurts...then she went to the right nose and i guess she found e openning into my throat and just push it all the way it! GOsh it hurt!!! and was so umcomfortable!! Tears just came out!! I was crying mind you, just the body's reaction!! haih...finnally its done... The nose examination came out good! all is clear...Now im actually blogging while waiting for my blood test result...=s kinda nervous...

Well sad to say none of my friends knows about this...well i have tried telling some but i guess they were to busy or thought i was kidding or something for they did not show much concern or ask on... BUt oh well wouldn want to burden them with it right? But I think all is welll.... Just kinda wish that some friends would at least show some more concern for me ya know? Got me thinking, if there was something wrong..WHO would actually be by my side and support me when times are bad? My family most definately but my friends? ...

Oh well enough of this gloomy subject le...Im hungry!! lol ...think im gonna go get lunch then getting me test results!! =s...byez