Serious manda?

To all who knows me out there....Am I a gamer? lol....NO!!!! but lately thanks to my bf im drag to the cyber to play CS! I finally learnt how to play the game! BUt yes i am still slow at it! Then about few days back i went to the cyber at Asia Cafe and was hooked on this game called Serious SAm 2! wth!!! Was so hooked till we played for more then two hours on a college night and it was already 3 plus in the morning! Joy!!!

And and i am now currently at the cyber with a few other friends getting ready to play Serious SAm!! lol....so I'm off now!!!

Friends: Bitter or Sweet

Define a friend? Or what makes a friend a true friend? For me it’s simple, one who would be there for me no matter what, one who makes me laugh, one who understands me, one who shows he or she cares and not just for his or her own good but for mine. Someone I can trust and rely on who has my back on everything. Not so the ones who goes out with you every night to have fun, to enjoy and have a blast. There was once a quote but I forgot who was it from which goes “A True friend stabs you in the front and not the back”

Well till now, my whole 19 years of my life I can’t proudly stand up and announce that I have found a TRUE friend. Good friends yes, without a doubt. But TRUE friends I have not. People whom I thought were my friends ends up stabbing me in the back. Let’s start from the younger days, where you TALK about someone, (the reason why I use the word talk for, firstly it sounds better and secondly who does not talk about other people?! Name me one!) and it gets to that someone but the story changes and fight happens? Well the tatter tale is the back stabber.

You would think that, those were the days when we were all young and childish and its so behind us? Well think again! In high school, people use to talk behind each other backs. Best friends’ gossip about their other behind each other backs but puts on a sweet friendly face in front of them. Everything one does, from the way one dresses to whom she is talking to circulates around. Nothing goes unnoticed by these few people. It is as though they feed on gossips to survive. Everyone knows everyone’s dark secrets but the fact that theirs is also being circulated. Things will be discussed in whispers and conclusions will be made. It is so sad to think that this big group of friends I had which is so proud of our big group and promises to stay in touch and be friends forever can make such promises and yet is just dying to hear dirty scoop about each other. Is this part of the promise? Is it just a formality where we all know we won’t stick too? I felt so vulnerable for everything I do, could turn into some juicy gossip for others and thanks to these gossipers things could be misunderstood and fights could occur.

Moving on to college where I thought we all outgrew all this gossiping and childishness, I thought wrong again. I was ready to forgo all the disagreements I had with my high school mates for I thought it was all in the past. I forgave them and am ready to start fresh with them. But unfortunately some did not change and I do not think they will ever will. One incident which is still stuck in my head till today, is when my friends from overseas all came back and I went out with them and we all sat and chatted and chatted away updating each other on their own life it was so fun and I had a great time. Went back all happy we met up but then I found out that meeting up and chatting was secondary for some. Meaning, they were more interested in dirty scoop of my life rather then the fact that I am enjoying college life. I realized how persistent were they for they kept asking how’s my life and how’s Sneha’s ( sneha why for last time she was one of their main providers of their life support system…GOSSIP), do I have anyone new in my life and just about everything. Me being gullible told them almost everything that is happening to me in college. But mainly I was happy!! So to continue with the story I met up with one of my school mates in KL and went out with my boyfriend, Leon and her and one more high school mate. Had a great time, sat down and chatted and all so then we parted and I got an sms and I quote “ She seems happy with Leon, he seems like a nice guy” reading this from an outsider’s point of view you would think they as my friends are happy for me but I know them and it is more of a beginning of a gossip. Oh btw she sent the wrong message to me…ha ha… it was meant for my “best friend”. Another incident which got me so shock and made me agree that gossip spread faster then bacteria in the air is when I was out with my high school mates having dinner and I had to excuse myself to the ladies ( gosh Ms Aisyah would be proud to hear this) and passed my handbag to my bf to hold, “lucky” me my bag was open and the contents of my bag was obvious, my friends saw a cigg pack in my bag…. Whoa the news spread to another gal who was supposed to be in Melbourne for holiday to Sneha and then to me…haha sneha was good enough to tell me but trust me im sure it also went to my “best friend” and to others in Ipoh… joy!!! ( btw I am not agreeing that I smoke) believe what you want…My life is really an open book…

Let’s talk about college too; I made a few close friends. People I would call really close friends for they crack me up. They were my gang of friends in college. We were so close we did almost everything together, we see each other everyday and we shared our thoughts and secrets too. We were close, maybe too close… Problems started to arise.. One became too manipulative, one is weak, one is a back stabber and people start to question why are they giving more att to the other and not him or her, members of the gang seem to start fighting for the dominant’s person’s att, by doing things behind each others back, people start bitching about the others in the group, small little things seems to start a fight…What happen to the group?!! Is this what we call friends?!! Friends are not people who bitch about you, not manipulative people, not gossipers…

Who are my TRUE friends?!! Without a doubt I do have friends, close friends too but TRUE friends? Friends should give and take, forgive and forget and not hold grudges. It’s so simple, and little to ask for. Is it me really? Am I that vulnerable and easy to be manipulated and taken advantage of? For I believe not everyone are like this. I’m sure some have found their TRUE friend. So why can’t I? Why is it so hard? All my intentions are good and I hope and I pray I get good returns.

( To whom whose reading this, I’m sorry if you get offended by this post but it is just my thoughts and I am not pin pointing anyone. If you do then well you know you’re wrong, that is why you’re defensive and I can’t do anything about it)
~Truce~

~Friends Forever~ The Saga Of My Life

So as the title says; Friends forever! Sounds familiar? Well this word should be worn out from being uttered too many times. Since primary school, where all is young and innocent, we made promises to each other to stay friends forever! Nothing will break our friendship, and then it was high school where we met more people and still promised to remain friends forever. Then high school ended and people separate to either colleges or Form 6, hearts were heavy but life continues and still the promise stands where people come back over the weekends and gatherings were held. In the near future, people would get jobs, rushing to meet ends, finding that one person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, and having children to continue the “family line”. So where does the promise stand? Can one hold to the promise for so long? Do we have time for old friends? To stay in touch or even more to maintain the friendship to begin with? Friends! What are friends? People who are there for you, who makes you laugh, lend a shoulder for you to cry on and be there to support you through thick or thin.

Well as for me, I do not have that much of luck in that area. It could be my personality that made me an object of misunderstanding. As I look back on my life, when it comes to friendship I have been going through a stormy sea or a rocky mountain. In primary school, I have already been misunderstood. There were many “I don’t friend you anymore” words uttered. I remembered going back home and crying to my mother about how I fought with my friends. Well that was primary school, whereas in high school…lol that was another horrible time. My primary school gang joined up with another school’s group therefore our big group consisted of almost 20 people. The group consists of so many diff façade of people. We are from diff classes but hang out during recess and weekends. In the whole, I am a shy person, I do not make good first impressions, and I do not make the first move. I got misunderstood! It got worse when I had an argument with my “best friend” and she went around the group bad mouthing me. It was hell for me for I was alienated. I was bad mouthed and those who were not so close to me avoided me and exclude me of group outings. It hurt so badly. But thank the lord I manage to pull myself through and now that I have graduated from high school and am studying in college I thought to myself hey a new environment!

It turns out that trouble took up a liking to me and is following me everywhere I go. College was great and fun in the beginning, everyone were friendly to everyone. People were curious and friendly but as the semester changes so do the people. Groups began to form and people move into them. Some familiar faces don’t seem so familiar anymore. Different people were alienated. Out- spoken, opinionated people were hated. And now it is so obvious in college, for there is this dominant group of people, who moves in groups and dominate or self vote themselves into ranks in clubs. I know some of them and some of them dislike me due to…MISUNDERSTANDINGS but the impressions have been made and won’t be changed. One influencing the other, now I am just this acquaintance to them and I’m not in the “gang”. All this is also due to misunderstandings. Joy! Well thinking I still have my Public Relations classmates, I thought wrong! We had to get into groups of three or four and me and Sneha found ourselves without a group. People kept giving excuses or reasons. I would not know if my paranoid self is acting up again or it is for real that they would not want to group with us I am not sure but it hurts to think so. What have I done? Seriously all my life what have I done to cause all this?!! I was facing depression for a few days, was feeling so down. Do not know where I belong…

Since primary school I have always consoled myself by thinking hey maybe high school would be different for I will be meeting more people, starting anew. Apparently I thought wrong, then again I tried by thinking college would be different, I’m totally meeting different people, I will straighten my life back and get it in order…I thought wrong too and now I find myself thinking degree would be different or so I hope… Is it me? Am I just cursed to have horrible friendships? Truth be told, I don’t think of myself as a horrible person. I mean no one is perfect but I would think that my personality is good natured, I am there for my friends when they need help, in summary a good person so why do I suffer all this? Is it because I have a weak and vulnerable personality where people would take advantage of and walk all over me? I really do not know….All I can do right now is go on with my life doing what I think is right and count on my true friends to be there, my family and God himself.

Scents : An Aphrodisiac

This is actually quite an unexpected event of the day. It started off normal with college, classes, the usual. I was actually feeling quite down and lonely that day till classes ended and I was joined up with Sneha and Leon. We went to pyramid for lunch and then for a movie, American Haunting. Well as we were having lunch, a salesperson approached us and managed to convince Sneha to buy a bottle of Gucci, envy me perfume at only RM50. Sounds like a good deal but we were unsure if it was the original one or not so after the movie we went to Parade to check out the original one.

It seems the same, so Sneha was happy but we ended up going around perfume shopping!! Hehe…. Pity Leon had to tag along and was sneezing his head off for he was allergic to some of the smells. We tested so many from Ralph Lauren, to Escada, to Hugo Boss, to CK lol all the brands and by the end of the day I was “scent” high!! We even tested out men’s perfume for gosh some smell great! For example Hugo Boss and CK Eternity! Gosh heaven!!! I sprayed some on Leon and hehe was sniffing him all day!!

Funny how a scent can relate you to someone. How once you smell a particular scent you remember a person. Reminds me of the movie I bought called Scent of a Woman by Al Pacino for my college assignment…lol…It’s something about how a blind retired lieutenant can tell a woman’s personality from the scent she was wearing. Whenever I smell a familiar scent, whether it is back at my home town or some place diff I would think of the same person wearing the scent. Scents remind you of people and so do songs that people relate it to another.

I was really “scent” high, was actually feeling all happy and cheerful the whole day. I have my eyes on the Ralph Lauren Cool perfume!! Its blue and red…gosh smells nice!! Now I know what to do when Im feeling down!!

~Catching up on the PAst~

Just yesterday I met up with my best friend Lavanya FINALLY!!! She went to India after her mid way through her form 6 to do med and i have not seen her since...Even the few times she came back i did not get the chance to see her!! It was all so bad timing and finnally i saw her yesterday!! Met up with her at Jusco together with Sanji who is studying in Aust another close friend of mine and Balveena who is also studying in Aust...Haha you can say that all the people who are on holidays met up for we have nothing better to do here in Ipoh lol....

Gosh i missed her...There was like non stop talking and catching up to do...sooo much catching up to do..with all of them... So many changes too... It's amazing how one year or two can change someone so much. Time just flew right by us and we had to go haih... But there will be more meetings soon...there is suppose to be one today if i can get my ass of this chair and move but gosh the weather is killing and i lost all mood to do anything!! haha

Oh dangit, two more weeks to college!!! I dun wanan go back!!! Dun wanna start studying its a horrible semester!!! Academic writing, malaysian studies, Pr writing, Pr II, Comm project management ( that's hell)lord help me!! haha and darn my neck hurts like hell!! oh well wanna go piggy out le...
tataz!!

~A summary of the last week~

Well as much as I complained about being in Ipoh and rotting my head off, my "mom" Nadeem and Radlin came to IPoh for a visit, well Nadeem came down to straighten his hair and Radlin just for a break...nway Sneha and I went back with them, the following day, it was on a Friday and my cousin invited me and my friends for a party, more like a private party for the launch of Camillia's new album...lol...I was excited! firstly a private party then well local celebs but it was not like i went starstruck...no biggie... It was at Liquid and by the time we got there most of the people were there already...we mingled and guess what there was free vodka!! oo and chocolates! haha so we found a table and sat and drank and drank... Then Camillia performed some of her songs and then the dance floor was finally open... It was great just finally getting to dance and loosen up my body.... Saw sooo many cute guys there but....too bad...for two reasons...=P

Went back about 3 plus and crashed...and guess what...thinking that since I'm on a holiday and we just had a long night yesterday plus drinking i could sleep but nooooo!! Had to wake up at around 12 for DANCE PRACTISE!!! argh!! was sooo tired, body aching and grumpy....ended up being forced to dance at rad's place... So basically the whole week was dance practising!! for hours!!! few songs at a time!!! haha...this is all for the qualifying round on the 30th of June to represent Taylor's for the intercollege dance comp on the 14th of July!!!

So on the 30th, we went to Main campus all dressed up and made up and waited for our turn... It turns out that after auditioning your not allowed to stay back and watch the other teams perform in fear that people may copy moves so gosh we went all the way there performed for less then 5 mins and got nothing to do... We performed, showed the judges ( hehe) then had to leave and wait for a call at night if we got it or not!! Eek!! So we all went to Asia Club for pool and cool drinks...then went back to change for clubbing...Foam party at liquid!! Well most of us din go in the end coz it was too expensive and erm...too many gay guys... and it was too late so we wont get our money's worth... So Nadeem, Rad and Nadeem's lawyer guy went in...

Next day, woke up, packed and went to PUdu to get back here....sniff was supposed to rush back to go Penang but i cant get an earlier tic so there im back in Ipoh again....

ooo btw i got a new roommate, Yuvi from indonesia...long story another entry to tell...

tataz!!