Few more hours to go till Aussie baby!!!

Like the title stated im going Aussie!! But before i can get excited to go i have not even start packing...My sis already packed..Hm shows my enthusiasm... Weirdly i am not really excited about the trip.. PArtly i guess the idea has not sunk in yet that its tmrw, more like few more hours away and partly i have some unfinished business... Ok it is not as horrible as it sounds le but i have some matters with a close friend that i have not settled and i wanna before i leave.. I want things to be like before when we can talk the whole night away, so carefree...now all we have is awkwardness around us, a formality n it sucks to the max... I just cant let it go because of what we have been through and he means so much to me and yet i seem to be hurting everytime.. Now it is his turn to burst and not be able to handle it and ironically it is all that i felt last time when i could not take it anymore but somehow in his case im the one who is wrong and the saddest part is he keeps saying things wont be like before and he is so fed up ( i hate that word..it keeps ringing in my head) with everything, sick of getting hurt and not being appreciated...

We talked actually, kinda settled it but then he had another outburst which looks like everything is back to before... I really feel hopeless, I don't know what to do to make things better when i want it to so badly... He seems cold and distance already to me and it hurts so bad.. I actually asked myself do i really have to loose him? will things be like it was before?? I can never know for it is up to him to allow it or not. For me i am oh so ready to change and correct things so that they will be like before but for him, he seems to be giving up and to not giving me a chance and i don't know what i can do but to hope and pray. Its up to him... if he could just let everything be and see how it progress im sure we will end up like before... haih... im leaving malaysia with a heavy heart knowing things are not settled here... Not too sure if i can totally enjoy my holidays but then again i do need them.

Oh well, i have a long holiday up ahead, 2 months to be excat.. dunno what to do..should i work or should i waste my life away sleeping hehe... im doing so well in that... everyone is going holidays!! my dear is going to KK too on the same day somemore...what a conincidence...will miss him too..and i cant contact him..haih... heck i have to sleep already...will update y'all on my trip! PICS!! muaks!!