Friends: Bitter or Sweet

Define a friend? Or what makes a friend a true friend? For me it’s simple, one who would be there for me no matter what, one who makes me laugh, one who understands me, one who shows he or she cares and not just for his or her own good but for mine. Someone I can trust and rely on who has my back on everything. Not so the ones who goes out with you every night to have fun, to enjoy and have a blast. There was once a quote but I forgot who was it from which goes “A True friend stabs you in the front and not the back”

Well till now, my whole 19 years of my life I can’t proudly stand up and announce that I have found a TRUE friend. Good friends yes, without a doubt. But TRUE friends I have not. People whom I thought were my friends ends up stabbing me in the back. Let’s start from the younger days, where you TALK about someone, (the reason why I use the word talk for, firstly it sounds better and secondly who does not talk about other people?! Name me one!) and it gets to that someone but the story changes and fight happens? Well the tatter tale is the back stabber.

You would think that, those were the days when we were all young and childish and its so behind us? Well think again! In high school, people use to talk behind each other backs. Best friends’ gossip about their other behind each other backs but puts on a sweet friendly face in front of them. Everything one does, from the way one dresses to whom she is talking to circulates around. Nothing goes unnoticed by these few people. It is as though they feed on gossips to survive. Everyone knows everyone’s dark secrets but the fact that theirs is also being circulated. Things will be discussed in whispers and conclusions will be made. It is so sad to think that this big group of friends I had which is so proud of our big group and promises to stay in touch and be friends forever can make such promises and yet is just dying to hear dirty scoop about each other. Is this part of the promise? Is it just a formality where we all know we won’t stick too? I felt so vulnerable for everything I do, could turn into some juicy gossip for others and thanks to these gossipers things could be misunderstood and fights could occur.

Moving on to college where I thought we all outgrew all this gossiping and childishness, I thought wrong again. I was ready to forgo all the disagreements I had with my high school mates for I thought it was all in the past. I forgave them and am ready to start fresh with them. But unfortunately some did not change and I do not think they will ever will. One incident which is still stuck in my head till today, is when my friends from overseas all came back and I went out with them and we all sat and chatted and chatted away updating each other on their own life it was so fun and I had a great time. Went back all happy we met up but then I found out that meeting up and chatting was secondary for some. Meaning, they were more interested in dirty scoop of my life rather then the fact that I am enjoying college life. I realized how persistent were they for they kept asking how’s my life and how’s Sneha’s ( sneha why for last time she was one of their main providers of their life support system…GOSSIP), do I have anyone new in my life and just about everything. Me being gullible told them almost everything that is happening to me in college. But mainly I was happy!! So to continue with the story I met up with one of my school mates in KL and went out with my boyfriend, Leon and her and one more high school mate. Had a great time, sat down and chatted and all so then we parted and I got an sms and I quote “ She seems happy with Leon, he seems like a nice guy” reading this from an outsider’s point of view you would think they as my friends are happy for me but I know them and it is more of a beginning of a gossip. Oh btw she sent the wrong message to me…ha ha… it was meant for my “best friend”. Another incident which got me so shock and made me agree that gossip spread faster then bacteria in the air is when I was out with my high school mates having dinner and I had to excuse myself to the ladies ( gosh Ms Aisyah would be proud to hear this) and passed my handbag to my bf to hold, “lucky” me my bag was open and the contents of my bag was obvious, my friends saw a cigg pack in my bag…. Whoa the news spread to another gal who was supposed to be in Melbourne for holiday to Sneha and then to me…haha sneha was good enough to tell me but trust me im sure it also went to my “best friend” and to others in Ipoh… joy!!! ( btw I am not agreeing that I smoke) believe what you want…My life is really an open book…

Let’s talk about college too; I made a few close friends. People I would call really close friends for they crack me up. They were my gang of friends in college. We were so close we did almost everything together, we see each other everyday and we shared our thoughts and secrets too. We were close, maybe too close… Problems started to arise.. One became too manipulative, one is weak, one is a back stabber and people start to question why are they giving more att to the other and not him or her, members of the gang seem to start fighting for the dominant’s person’s att, by doing things behind each others back, people start bitching about the others in the group, small little things seems to start a fight…What happen to the group?!! Is this what we call friends?!! Friends are not people who bitch about you, not manipulative people, not gossipers…

Who are my TRUE friends?!! Without a doubt I do have friends, close friends too but TRUE friends? Friends should give and take, forgive and forget and not hold grudges. It’s so simple, and little to ask for. Is it me really? Am I that vulnerable and easy to be manipulated and taken advantage of? For I believe not everyone are like this. I’m sure some have found their TRUE friend. So why can’t I? Why is it so hard? All my intentions are good and I hope and I pray I get good returns.

( To whom whose reading this, I’m sorry if you get offended by this post but it is just my thoughts and I am not pin pointing anyone. If you do then well you know you’re wrong, that is why you’re defensive and I can’t do anything about it)
~Truce~